Leaving the studio

I left my art studio for good - a really easy decision that was hard to make.

 Easy in the sense that I felt like I was completely ready. Hard in the sense that I questioned by identity as an artist.

For a while now the studio felt forced, like I was trying to get into a pair of pants that don't fit me anymore (I need to buy more yoga pants after this SF trip). I started to go less and less and that left me feeling more and more angry. After almost 6 months of yelling at myself every month for not going enough to justify the rent, I finally just decided to listen. Why was I fighting what I wanted and didn't want to do? 

I didn't want to go to the studio anymore. It's not that I didn't want to do creative things, it's just that I didn't want to do those things, in this space. So I put up the studio on craigslist and two weeks later was out. 

Two main reasons for leaving

1. She taught me everything I needed to learn - I simply had overstayed my welcome because my studio is safe. My studio made me feel like a "real" artist. I struggled the last 6 months to leave because what's an artist without a separate studio space in a cool area of the city? - Oh yea, still an artist. 

2. I'm in a state of dismemberment - My needs, wants, and goals are changing and I feel like I'm really shifting things right now. My studio fulfilled a need of providing me with a safe place to begin. Now I'm looking into other goals, like a live in studio, that fits better financially and gives me instant access. In the meantime, I'm tearing everything apart that doesn't align with those goals.

One day, a new separate studio space might be just what I need again. In the meantime though, I wanted to close with a letter.

a love letter to my studio

You were my very first art studio. We spent countless hours, nights, and weekends together. I wrote my TEDx Talk with you by my side. You were a safe place for me when I needed to run and play and experiment. You've seen a lot of things unfold. You've witnessed the birth of my best work and my worst. You've seen me paint and re-paint a canvas and ship my very first commission. My first mural graced your tall white walls. 

The freedom and confidence you gave me is something I will never forget. Thank you for being patient with me when I was frustrated and waiting for me when I didn't come for weeks at a time. 

Thank you for your space and making space for me.
​
xo,
​Liz