Leaving the studio
I left my art studio for good - a really easy decision that was hard to make.
Easy in the sense that I felt like I was completely ready. Hard in the sense that I questioned by identity as an artist.
For a while now the studio felt forced, like I was trying to get into a pair of pants that don't fit me anymore (I need to buy more yoga pants after this SF trip). I started to go less and less and that left me feeling more and more angry. After almost 6 months of yelling at myself every month for not going enough to justify the rent, I finally just decided to listen. Why was I fighting what I wanted and didn't want to do?
I didn't want to go to the studio anymore. It's not that I didn't want to do creative things, it's just that I didn't want to do those things, in this space. So I put up the studio on craigslist and two weeks later was out.
Two main reasons for leaving
1. She taught me everything I needed to learn - I simply had overstayed my welcome because my studio is safe. My studio made me feel like a "real" artist. I struggled the last 6 months to leave because what's an artist without a separate studio space in a cool area of the city? - Oh yea, still an artist.
2. I'm in a state of dismemberment - My needs, wants, and goals are changing and I feel like I'm really shifting things right now. My studio fulfilled a need of providing me with a safe place to begin. Now I'm looking into other goals, like a live in studio, that fits better financially and gives me instant access. In the meantime, I'm tearing everything apart that doesn't align with those goals.
One day, a new separate studio space might be just what I need again. In the meantime though, I wanted to close with a letter.
a love letter to my studio
You were my very first art studio. We spent countless hours, nights, and weekends together. I wrote my TEDx Talk with you by my side. You were a safe place for me when I needed to run and play and experiment. You've seen a lot of things unfold. You've witnessed the birth of my best work and my worst. You've seen me paint and re-paint a canvas and ship my very first commission. My first mural graced your tall white walls.
The freedom and confidence you gave me is something I will never forget. Thank you for being patient with me when I was frustrated and waiting for me when I didn't come for weeks at a time.
Thank you for your space and making space for me.
1/8/2021 04:15:49 am
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